Subject: Courtesy of Fortune Magazine, from real
resumes:
"I demand a salary commiserate with my
extensive experience."
"I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0, computor and spreadsheat
progroms."
"Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
"Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
"Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial
institutions."
"Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
"Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my
experience."
"You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time."
"Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget
details."
"I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
"Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved.
No commitments."
"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a
horse."
"I am loyal to my employer at all costs. ... Please feel
free torespond to my resume on my office voice mail."
"I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no
one and absolutely nothing."
"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no
training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock
brokerage."
"I procrastinate, especially when the task is
unpleasant."
"As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing
investments."
"Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so
far."
"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest
chain store."
"Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping.'
I have never quit a job."
"Marital status: often. Children: various."
"Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all
employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Could not work under
those conditions."
"The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three
previous employers."
"Finished eighth in my class of ten."
"References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind
me."
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All artwork, pictures and poetry created by Manuel Rosa. Copyright 1996 Manuel Rosa